2-1 Basic Safety Requirements
(Formerly USPA part 100)
NW 2-1.01 APPLICABILITY
A. These procedures apply to all jumps except those made under
the influence of alcohol; or in violation of any FAR's. after
which, the damage having been done, anything goes.
B. A "skydive" is defined as the descent of a person to the
surface, from an aircraft in flight, when he/she maintains,
or intends to maintain stability during all, or part of that
descent.
C. All persons engaging in skydiving should be familiar with:
1. These BSR's.
2. The Parachute Songbook.
3. Basic and advanced first aid, including CPR.
4. State and local laws pertaining to driving under the influence.
5. State probate laws.
NW 2-1.11 MEDICAL REQUIREMENTS
All persons engaging in skydiving should:
A. Carry a valid class I, II, or III FAA medical certificate; or,
B. Carry a certificate of sanity from a licensed psychiatrist;
or,
C. Been tested for sexually transmitted diseases; or,
D. Sufficiently lied on the USPA recommended medical statement.
2-1.12 AGE REQUIREMENTS
Civilian skydivers are to be at least:
FB A. The age of legal majority (to have sex); or,
A B. 16 years of age, providing there is no chance of being
caught, or her father ever finding out.
2-1.21 STUDENT SKYDIVES
A A. All student instruction is to be conducted under the direct
supervision of a currently sober, and appropriately rated
USPA skygod, who tells the truth.
FB B. Student skydivers are to:
FB 1. Initially make five (5) static line jumps and/or tandem
jumps, successfully pulling a practice ripcord three (3)
times without hurting themselves. (A "practice" ripcord
is a ripcord that, when pulled, does absolutely nothing.
Borrowed from an old Bugs Bunny cartoon, modern day
instructors have refined the prank such that student
skydivers will actually jump out of a real aircraft using
one, even AFTER the instructor explains truthfully, just
what the practice ripcord does); or,
A 2. Successfully completed all of the learning objectives of
AFF levels I through VII prior to being cleared to
jumpmaster themselves without having to buy a case of
beer after every jump.
FB 2-1.22 MINIMUM OPENING ALTITUDES
Minimum container opening altitudes above the ground for
skydivers are:
A. Tandem jumps - 4000 feet above impact.
B. All free fall students - 3000 feet above impact.
C. Licensed skydivers with current waivers on file - unlimited.
A 2-1.23 DROP ZONE REQUIREMENTS
Areas used for skydiving should be free of whuffos, (Except
those who are easily impressed, and who put out.) and meet
the following maximum radial distances:
Students: 300 meters to the nearest liquor store.
A and B lic. holders: 200 meters to the nearest pawn shop.
C and D lic. holders: 100 meters to the nearest brothel.
2-1.25 EXTRAORDINARY SKYDIVES
NW A. Night, water, and demonstration jumps are to be made only
with sufficient funds for purchasing the beer that will be
owed afterward.
FB B. Persons holding a PRO rating making a demonstration jump
must show a profit.
A C. Pre-planned breakaway jumps are to be made only by C and D
license holders who can afford to buy a repack.
2-1.31 PARACHUTE EQUIPMENT
A. Each skydiver is to be equipped with:
FB 1. A flotation device when the exit point, opening point, or
landing point is within one (1) mile of an open body of
water. (An open body of water is defined as one in which
the skydiver could drown during sex, such as a jacuzzi.)
A 2. A glass whenever the intended landing point is within
one (1) mile of an open container of beer.
A 3. A red light when operating a brothel.
NW 4. A getaway car when making BASE jumps.
B. Each student is to be equipped with:
FB 1. A piggyback harness/container system costing AT LEAST
$3,000.00.
2. A white main canopy so that when your student gets caught
by the local S&TA opening at 1000 feet, the S&TA will think
it's his reserve.
3. A "practice" ripcord, with the full belief that it really
is necessary. (Practice AAD's, which can be set so that at
a pre-determined altitude, if the student is still in free
fall, will do absolutely nothing, are optional.)
A 2-1.41 SUPPLEMENTAL OXYGEN
Supplemental oxygen is to be available on the aircraft for
skydivers suffering from pneumonia, emphysema or a hangover.
2-2 WAIVERS TO THE BASIC SAFETY REQUIREMENTS
Some of the BSR's may be waived in order to further research of
new methods, including testing the gullibility of new students.
Each BSR is categorized as to who may file the waiver. The
following symbols are used:
A person wearing a hat that says "Air Trash".
FB A Freak Brother.
NW No Way (May not be waived.)
(Created by Duncan Mc Ewan, C-19645.)
COPYRIGHT (c) 1994, All rights reserved.